yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
