i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
