hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
