there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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