I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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