We got so high we made milksteak
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
