Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
