I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
