my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
