I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
