She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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