you win again, gameday.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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