I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
