Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
