This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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