dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
