I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
