Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
In America we eat man semen.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
