He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
