They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
