Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
