note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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