i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
