You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
from now on my penis is your penis
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
