Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
