if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
