You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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