Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
