When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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