Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
