help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
