I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
