She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
