Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drunk is not a location!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
