dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize