Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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