This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
