you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
