Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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