I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
