im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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