I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
