two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
