My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
