Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
