Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
