Me too!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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