Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need to align my fucking chakras
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
