i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
well you can't waste a boner
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
