i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
