u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
