dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize