You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize