I think I am morally bankrupt
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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