I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
