Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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