What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
