i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
