ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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