You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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