Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
