i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
