I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
