everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
