Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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