Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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