He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize