We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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