My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
