Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
